The Drama Triangle, developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman in 1968, is a psychological model that maps out dysfunctional social interactions. It consists of three roles—Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—that people consciously or unconsciously adopt in cycles of conflict and emotional entanglement. Understanding these roles is essential for breaking free from unhealthy relational patterns.
The Three Roles in the Drama Triangle
1. The Victim
The Victim feels or acts helpless and oppressed, seeking rescue or validation from others. They believe they lack the power to change their circumstances and often externalise responsibility for their struggles. While true victimisation exists, within the Drama Triangle, this role is characterised by learned helplessness and avoidance of personal accountability.
In a relationship dynamic:
The Victim may say, "Why does this always happen to me?" or "No one understands how hard I have it."
They might exaggerate their suffering to garner sympathy or manipulate others into taking responsibility for them.
When rescued, they feel temporary relief but remain stuck, as they never develop self-efficacy.
2. The Persecutor
The Persecutor blames, criticises, and dominates others to maintain control and sustain the position of the Victim. They may act aggressively, use guilt, or manipulate situations to ensure they are never perceived as the antagonist. Instead, they create an environment where others either submit (by fawning and falling into the Rescuer role) or resist, at which point the Persecutor casts them as the new Persecutor.
In a relationship dynamic:
They say things like, "You're so selfish!" or "This is all your fault!"
If confronted, they reposition themselves as the true Victim and accuse others of being unfair or abusive.
They use tactics like gaslighting, shaming, or passive-aggressive behaviours to maintain their role.
3. The Rescuer
The Rescuer intervenes to help others, often at their own expense, creating dependency. This role is either the result of the fawn response being evoked or the role the Persecutor takes to sustain control. When the Rescuer’s help is not accepted or does not yield gratitude, they may shift into the Persecutor role, blaming the Victim for their continued helplessness.
In a relationship dynamic:
They might say, "I’ll fix this for you," or "You need me."
They struggle to set boundaries and may feel guilty if they do not step in to "save" someone.
If their help is rejected or unappreciated, they may lash out, reinforcing the Drama Triangle cycle.
Real-Life Examples of the Drama Triangle in Relationships
The Narcissist
A narcissistic partner often oscillates between Persecutor, Rescuer, and a fabricated Victim role to maintain control and avoid accountability.
They begin by harshly criticising their partner (Persecutor), blaming them for all relationship problems and diminishing their self-worth.
When the partner expresses distress or pushes back, the narcissist flips the script, positioning themselves as the true victim. They may claim they are misunderstood, unfairly attacked, or even emotionally abused. This gaslights the partner, making them doubt their own reality and feel guilty for standing up for themselves.
To maintain control, the narcissist may then shift into the Rescuer role, offering grand gestures of love or promises to change—keeping their partner emotionally hooked.
Caught in this cycle, the partner feels confused, responsible for the narcissist's emotions, and increasingly dependent on their manipulative "help."
Example 1: The Narcissist
Persecutor: The narcissist starts by harshly criticising their partner, blaming them for all relationship problems and diminishing their self-worth. This criticism often appears as a direct attack, causing the partner to feel invalidated.
Scenario: After an argument about financial matters, the narcissist says, “You never get anything right. You’re the one who’s always making mistakes with money, and now we're in this mess because of you. It’s your fault we can’t afford anything.”
This leaves the partner feeling guilty, questioning their abilities, and internalising the blame, even when the issue was far more complex or involved both partners.
Victim (Gaslighting & Manipulation): When the partner expresses distress, the narcissist flips the script by portraying themselves as the true victim. They may claim they are misunderstood, unfairly attacked, or emotionally abused, which gaslights the partner into doubting their own reality.
Scenario: The partner confronts the narcissist about their hurtful words, and the narcissist responds, “I can’t believe you're treating me like this. I’m the one who’s been working so hard, and you’re constantly criticising me. I can’t take it anymore. This is so unfair.”
This response confuses the partner, making them feel guilty for standing up for themselves, and creates an emotional fog where they question if they were too harsh or misunderstood the situation.
Rescuer (Keeping Control & Emotional Hooks): The narcissist then shifts into the Rescuer role, offering grand gestures of love or promises to change, but these gestures are often superficial, meant to keep the partner emotionally attached and prevent them from leaving.
Scenario: The narcissist buys a thoughtful gift or promises, “I know I’ve been hard on you, but I’m going to change. I’ll try harder to listen. I don’t want to lose you.”
These gestures make the partner feel hopeful and connected again, but the cycle repeats, reinforcing the narcissist’s control. The partner becomes emotionally hooked, caught in a loop of confusion, self-doubt, and dependency on the narcissist’s validation.
The Dysregulated Partner
A partner with emotional dysregulation may unconsciously perpetuate the Drama Triangle by shifting between roles based on their emotional state.
When overwhelmed, they act as the Victim, needing constant reassurance and rescue.
If their needs are not met, they become the Persecutor, accusing their partner of being unloving.
The partner, in an effort to prevent conflict, fawns and assumes the Rescuer role.
This dynamic cycles endlessly, reinforcing instability and emotional exhaustion.
Example 2: The Dysregulated Partner
Victim (Seeking Reassurance): When overwhelmed or triggered, the dysregulated partner may feel as though the world is against them and seek constant reassurance from their partner, needing to be rescued emotionally.
Scenario: The partner becomes upset after a minor disagreement, saying, “You don’t love me. I don’t know why you’re always so distant. I can’t deal with this. I need you to comfort me now.”
This places the responsibility on the other partner to constantly reassure them, even when the issue isn’t about love, but the dysregulated partner’s emotional triggers.
Persecutor (Accusations & Blame):If their emotional needs aren’t met, they may flip into the Persecutor role, accusing their partner of being uncaring or neglectful, further escalating the conflict.
Scenario: The partner, frustrated by their needs not being met, may shout, “You never care about me! You’re so selfish. I’m always the one who has to deal with my emotions alone!”
This blame creates an intense emotional pressure on the other partner, even though the dysregulated partner may be overreacting.
Rescuer (Fawning & Pleasing): The partner, wanting to avoid conflict or hurt feelings, often steps into the Rescuer role, trying to calm the situation by fawning, apologising, or over-compensating.
Scenario: The partner says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. What can I do to make it better? I’ll be more attentive.”
This behaviour reinforces the dysregulated partner's emotional cycle, making the non-dysregulated partner feel responsible for managing their emotions.
The Learned Behaviour
A partner raised in an environment where emotional manipulation was normalised may unconsciously play out the Drama Triangle, repeating patterns learned from childhood.
They learned to act as the Victim to receive care and attention.
If their partner refuses to play the Rescuer, they shift into the Persecutor role, accusing them of neglect or cruelty.
The partner, wanting peace, may step into the Rescuer role, reinforcing the unhealthy dynamic.
Example 3: The Learned Behaviour
Victim (Seeking Attention & Care): The partner learned early on that playing the Victim role would garner attention and care from others. They may unconsciously continue this dynamic into adulthood, expecting their partner to care for them in the same way.
Scenario: The partner says, “I can’t believe I’m always the one who gets left out. No one cares about me. I always feel so alone.”
This is a learned behaviour that stems from childhood, where acting as the victim was the only way to receive care and attention.
Persecutor (Shifting Blame): If their partner refuses to play the Rescuer, they may shift into the Persecutor role, accusing them of neglect or cruelty to elicit a response and return to the dynamic they know.
Scenario: The partner accuses, “You’re so heartless. I can’t believe you would treat me this way when I’m struggling. You never show any care for me!”
This blame game keeps the partner stuck in a cycle of emotional manipulation, trying to force their partner into the Rescuer role.
Rescuer (Avoiding Conflict):The partner, wanting peace or to avoid further accusations, steps into the Rescuer role, trying to calm the situation and take care of the other partner’s needs, even if it isn’t healthy for them.
Scenario: The partner may say, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better. Please, don’t be upset. I’ll take care of everything.”
This response plays directly into the learned behaviour of emotional manipulation, reinforcing the unhealthy dynamic and continuing the cycle.
Breaking Free from the Drama Triangle
To move beyond these roles, individuals must develop self-awareness and healthy boundaries:
Victims can empower themselves by recognising their ability to take responsibility for their lives.
Persecutors must learn to regulate their emotions and accept accountability instead of externalising blame.
Rescuers need to set boundaries and allow others to develop self-sufficiency rather than enabling dependency.
Recognising and dismantling the Drama Triangle is a transformative process, but it leads to healthier, more authentic relationships. If you see yourself in these patterns, therapy can provide the tools needed to break free and cultivate true connection.
Wishing you Wellness,
Mel
Melissa Moss is a Registered Psychologist, Holistic Counsellor & Certified Clinical Trauma Practitioner in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and founder and principle psychologist of The Bodhi Tree Psychology- A Holistic Practice.
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